There is a serious controversy brewing in Big Al/Girlfriend world. And it’s all centered around Toilet paper.

First of all, I am the first to say that I realize the embarrassment that comes with going to the store and buying the giant container of toilet paper. ESPECIALLY when it’s the only thing that you are buying. But this isn’t about buying the toilet paper. Our disagreement stemmed from the amount of toilet paper used. My girlfriend seems to think that 99% of bathroom events can be “Handled” with 2-3 squares of toilet paper. 2-3 squares? That’s so ridiculous to me. I’m not going to be gross here but I will say that there has never, EVER been a situation that I just used 2-3 squares of toilet paper. We didn’t even get into the “roll or wad” choice. I won’t judge her because of her technique. But I do take issue with the 2-3 square thing.

I normally will use so much toilet paper that it looks like I have an oven mitten on my hand. And that’s how this started. She was down to her last roll of toilet paper and I used the facility in her apartment. And I guess she went in shortly after I did and apparently, she had previously done some sort of toilet paper inventory assessment and she knew how much toilet paper she had and she was a little perturbed about the amount of toilet paper I used. I’ve had some stupid arguments in my day but this one is probably in the top 5. But I am right on this one. 2-3 squares is never ok!