I’m so scared. I’m so scared. Two nights into living in my new house and I really shouldn’t have spent the last decade watching every single horror movie that exists. I guess after living for years in a condo or high rise, I just always felt the extra layers of protection. Now I feel like I’m just there for the taking.

Last night after I fell asleep, MOMENTS after I fell asleep, my security alarm went off for the first time and it was absolutely ear piercing and terrifying. I looked at the pad next to my bed and it said, “BURGLARY ALARM: Back door. Proceed with caution.” But I don’t want to go check the back door. I paid all this money for security and I grab the huge Michael Meyers Halloween-sized knife in my bedside table. This fear was only exacerbated by the security man. He was a cool young guy who seemed to know what he was doing. A couple hours of installation go by, movers are bringing stuff in, my handyman was building shelves, it was a long day with ALOT going on. Needless to say, I was tired and overwhelmed, but it was finally time for my tutorial. Security man says, “Are you ready to learn?” I grabbed a notepad and said, “Ready.” Security man gets behind me and whispers in my ear, “Let’s say there’s a hostage situation and he follows you in your home with a gun to your head, and says silence your alarm!”. You need to enter this new code (that is hard to remember) which will silence your alarm but also send a silent alarm to notify police that there is an intruder and your life is in danger.”

WHAT??? Why is this the FIRST situation he is teaching me? What about just learning how to arm and disarm the system? It was funny, but also sent me into a downward mental spiral where I played out every intruder episode of Stalker and Criminal Minds that I’ve watched over the last few years. The lock of my bedroom door is broken too, so I feel like there is maybe 5 seconds that I would have to take action anyway. Knives and guns scare me, but this seems like the best alternative. I am not joking with you when I say I practiced the scenario of whether I would hide in a closet with a knife or whether I would jump out the bedroom window. How am I going to do this? Hopefully, once I get the doggies and spend more time in there, it will start feeling more like home. Because right now, it feels more like I’m sleeping on the set of Scream. Tips for adjusting would be greatly appreciated:)