I am so freaking mad at level 70 of Candy Crush that I completely deleted the app from my iPhone and I don’t care that it said all of my info is going to be deleted, too!!!! I have spent $.99 I don’t know how many times to get five more stupid lives and I bought those stupid lollipop crusher things and I’ve looked at the helpful YouTube videos that give you tips to get past certain levels, but I can’t get past level 70!!! I just can’t! I can’t destroy all the chocolate before releasing the caged candies because I can never get enough of the special striped candies! I just can’t!!! And this stupid game has added more stress to my life than anything else I’ve got going on right now and the thing is, all that other stress in my life? It’s REAL!! This is a freaking app that is making my life a living HELL! I’m wasting my time making freaking CANDY explode!! How did I let myself get sucked into this ridiculousness????

So I’m done! Candy Crush is deleted from my iPhone.  I’ve buried it in the same pile with Plants vs. Zombies and Angry Birds. They’re all dead to me!!!! And for everybody else who defeated level 70, in the words of Christian Bale, “GOOD FOR YOU!!!”

And now I’m off to bum a valium off one of my prescription addict friends. They think I don’t know…but I know…