No tales of white sand beaches or trips to the emergency room to deal with third-degree sunburn here. I spent my vacation week mostly at home — bare-faced, barefoot and braless — unpacking boxes to reveal more junk, finding places to hide all that junk and dealing with more strange men in my house. I’m going to have to start looking at these fix-it men showing up at my doorstep as my own private Match.com service, which means I may have to throw on a little makeup but stick with going bra-free. But exactly how many things can go wrong with your new home after you sign the dotted line and move in?? And to top it all off, I think lightning got my air-conditioner yesterday, so add that to the list.

With sweat rolling down my back as I was moving things into the attic — which the attic man promised me would be cool enough to throw a tea party in after he was done insulating it so he’s a big fat liar — I made the stupid mistake of distracting myself by turning on the TV. It happened to be on some channel airing a “Criminal Minds” marathon and I decided to just leave it there. Three episodes and a half-filled attic later, I’m thinking, What the heck is this show doing on TV?!?! I don’t know if I’m more freaked out by the writers in Hollywood who are dreaming up these scenarios or by the possibility that so many perverted psychopath murderers targeting random women and children may actually exist! Let’s just say that the nights of forgetting to set my home security alarm are over.

Oh! And Emma Kelly is back in school Wednesday morning!! So excited to be going to a new school. Think the boss man will let me off to take her to school that day? Nah……….