Yes, Love Actually

One of my favorite movies is "Love Actually". What I love about this movie is it teaches us that there are ALL kinds of love. The traditional butterflies in the stomach, weak at the knees love. There is the unconditional love you have for your children. The love you have for your parents and your siblings. There is the unrequited painful love. The committed love of a married couple who are comfortable, yet happy. And then there is the love between friends. I could not think of a more appropriate place to share my love for one of the most beautiful, brave people I have ever known than right here on this message board on this Valentine's Day--the traditional day of love.

Rachel was like a lot of you on here that I have grown to know and love. She was like a baby sister to me. Truth be known, she was the first time I ever practiced being "mom" on some far off level. And what is interesting is we never even met face to face. But our love could not have been more real. Like the movie "Love Actually", you can actually find love when you are not looking.

I have been thinking a lot about Kidd's challenge on "It's My Turn" day. I think it's wonderful that people are going out to help charities. There are so many good ones. I think however that everyday kindnesses are so underrated. I think of how different my life would have turned out had I not offered to listen to Rachel one late night. It was there that I learned that Rachel had been diagnosed with Leukemia--and she was only 17. I was the one who thought I was being kind, although everything she showed me over the next several months about life taught me that I was the one really receiving the gift.

I prayed a lot over the next couple of years. Rachel went into remission twice. I was thrilled when she was too busy to be online because it meant that she was getting better and could do normal things that teenagers do. Sadly, all the chemo and radiation took it's toll on her body and she developed pneumonia. Rachel passed away in the early morning of April 22, 2005.

I made a website for her parents, family, and friends, the night of April 22. I stayed up all night working on this. It was my labor of love for her and for her family to have a place where they could send her messages. I could not bring her back, but I wanted to be sure that no one ever forgot her. I periodically post there when I feel her spirit. I have included my entry from the 3rd anniversary of her death.

This Valentine's Day--and every day--don't forget to tell the people you love that you love them. Love is a precious gift. I try to treat my message board friends with kindness, because although she can never be replaced, I might find another friendship like Rachel's. There is a person behind every MB identity.



4-22-2008
Rachel,
It's been five years since we met and three years since that awful day that we had to say goodbye. And I still miss you. It's generally this time of the night that I would come online and we would cut up until we could barely hold our eyes open and then go to sleep.

When the new season of American Idol starts, I always think about you. I wonder what kind of remarks you would make about the contestants. Would you like Sanjaya's hair? Would you like Jason's dreadlocks? What do you think of Clay's new CD? I can only wonder about the answers to these questions, but thinking about what you would say is a small way of keeping you close to me.

I don't post on your website as often as I should, but I think about you constantly. I miss your strong spirit, your compassion, and as our online friend Les would say your "wicked" sense of humor. I also pray for your family constantly, although I don't communicate as often as I should. Rachel, I know you are in Heaven watching over my special one that I rarely can speak about.

I know you would be thrilled that I finally got to be a mommy, as we talked about it often and you mentioned what a "dork" he/she would have as a mom. And you are right by the way! : ) Someday when my Caroline is older, I will tell her that her first name is Rachel and about the beautiful girl that I named her after and how she touched my heart so. I will also tell her why the Krohas do Light the Night every year.

Rachel, your time and friendship was such a gift. Very rarely do people come into our lives for such a short period and leave a lasting impression. Because of you, I choose to treat each day as a gift, and this cynical girl is a bit nicer because you never know what burdens people carry and when it will be the last time you get to tell someone that you love them again. You were wiser at 19 years than I ever was at 30. Your mom did so well.

I feel so grateful that our very last words were I love you. (and I still do). I still miss you and I promise I will never forget.

Love,
(Retro)
Kim