There were lots of cool events that occurred during my Vacation. But there is definitely one that sticks out much more than others.
My girlfriend has said to me more than once that she wishes that we could share more “Firsts.” When you date a person that is “a few” years younger than you are, more than likely, there will be several things that the younger person has never done before; and the older person has already done. In my case for example, my girlfriend had never been to Mexico before we started dating. Now, in the last 2 years, she has been 3 times and we are going again at the end of this month. On the flip side of that, I can’t tell you how many times that I have been to Mexico. But this weekend, she got me to do something that I had never done before. We were just sitting in my bar chilling and she blurted out, “Lets go Scuba diving!” This was something that I had never even thought about doing even though there is a Dive Shop directly across the street from my bar in Playa del Carmen. I’ve seen Lots of dive shops. I’ve walked past lots of dive shops. I have talked with many scuba instructors. But I have never, ever once even thought about diving. So, just as quickly as she blurted out “Let’s go diving,” I blurted out, “OK!” I really didn’t think about the one factor that should have been on my mind…I can’t swim!”
I swim about as well as anyone would while holding a 50 pound brick in their hands.
So, the next day, there we are in Scuba class. First of all, I really don’t want to do anything on vacation that involves a class. It’s vacation. Oh well. There we are, in class with 5 other people, at a pool with air tanks on our backs. The instructor is trying to teach us, in 45 minutes, how to breath underwater. Did I mention the scuba instructor was French? And he was talking to me with that French attitude like French people talk to us stupid Americans. Now all of a sudden, I was the idiot because I was in a Scuba diving class and I didn’t know how to swim. Actually, I can’t argue with that. Anyway, I couldn’t even get the underwater breathing right in 4 feet of pool water but I couldn’t let the Condescending Hot French Scuba instructor dude make me look bad in front of my girlfriend. So, I acted like everything was cool. Well, an hour later, I’m on a boat with a family of 5 seasoned divers that included 3 kids between the ages of 8-12 and there were 2 instructors. One for the family of fish people and Condescending French guy for me and my girlfriend.
We boated out what seemed like 100 miles from shore (it was like 1 mile at the most), and it was time to get in the water. It was just like you see on tv. You sit on the side and flip backwards and you are in the water. First went the Fish people. Those kids got in the water like they were freaking Mermaids and Mermen! Then, my girlfriend went. And then, it was my turn. The instructor says’ “1, 2, 3” and you flip backwards. When I went, he said, “one,” and somehow I slipped from the sitting position backwards, fins up in the air and I was in the water. I was sooo freaking scared. My heart was beating like it was going to hop out of my chest. I somehow found the surface and poked my head above water. I looked and saw something really horrifying. NO BOAT! No girlfriend, No instructor, No Nothing…Then I heard, laughter and “Al.” Awesome, I hear people. but where are they? They said, “over here.” The freaking boat was like 3 feet behind me. The Condescending French Scuba Instructor was just sitting there floating like an inner tube, talking to my girlfriend. It was like I was the guy that went to the bathroom at the bar and I came back and some dude was scooping up my girl making fun of me because I had toilet paper stuck to my shoe. I get so tired of you “swim people” floating around in the water like you are so much better than us “non-swimmers.”
To be con’t…
Big Al sorta wrapped up his story on the show… Listen to it here.