Do you ever feel like the weekends and weeks just start blurring together because there’s really not much to look forward to? I have no future plans and that’s really not a good thing. I usually live my life by what’s coming up down the road and at this moment, there is just nothing in the works. So this is what people mean by taking the “day by day” approach? My last planned event of the month was Saturday and my friends took me to a nice restaurant for dinner. I don’t have tons and tons of friends, but I must say that the ones I do have are so solid. That to me, matters so much more than how many people I have to hang out with. I must admit that I did call my roommate from the dinner table to make sure my phone was working because I received no calls or texts in about a 4 hour period of time and that made me feel lonely. That feeling was probably exacerbated by the fact that my birthday dinner was just me and 3 other couples so I was like the 7th wheel at my own dinner. Should I feel bad about that? I think of course I should NOT, but when all of my friends have significant others, it kinda makes me feel lonelier than normal. At least a basketball player felt bad enough for me to join my birthday dinner. That helped the night.
Following up on something I talked about in my blog last week about life lessons, I must say the one thing I have learned since graduating college is how to read people. I still have too high of expectations, but I can quickly gauge how terrible someone is most of the time. I suppose it’s just hard for me to believe that some people are just bad. I don’t want to believe that even though that is the very reason I don’t want or have tons of friends. You can spend years being friends with a girl, only to learn that she is totally flaky and not there for you when the time finally comes. She had just never been tested before and you never got the chance to see that side. I have experienced this so much in the past few years with both girls and guy friends. I don’t know how people say they will do something and then just not. Even text cancelling plans works and that is the lazy way out. Sitting at that dinner, even though I felt like the odd one out on my own birthday being the only single, makes me realize that the friends I keep close are just so reliable and caring and that is all that matters. I still feel like there are 2 types of people in life. The ones that don’t care what others think about them and the ones that only care about that. We all care slightly about how strangers view us, but not to the point that we change the way we are and put on some act. I could just never surround myself with people like that. I will never forget a guy in college that was so real and nice to me behind closed doors but when he got in front of his friends, he was a complete asshole almost as if he was putting on a show. I could never figure out at the time how he really felt. Was he real when he was alone? Or was the real him, the jerk that acted disinterested in public. The point is, the way he felt didn’t matter at all. Either way, that is just an outright bad person. I have learned finally to just run away at the first sign of someone treating you differently. I find this often with new girlfriends as well.
I kept saying April was just a horrible month and surely things would get better in May. Well, we’re 2 weeks in and May has gotten a little worse (if that’s possible). Friday I had to rush my dog to the emergency vet because he has some kind of tumor-like spots all over his body. I am normally a professional avoider and procrastinator with things like this, because I just don’t feel like I can handle the stress. I decided to take him in anyways at the vet’s recommendation and I may be the worst dog owner ever, but I just couldn’t handle sitting there with him. There was a chance that something bad was wrong, and I knew I couldn’t handle that news. So I left him there to be checked out and went on a run outside in the rain to try and decompress. It didn’t really work, but I tried. Apparently he has some kind of skin disease, which is very attractive and he has to be on antibiotics for a month and if that still doesn’t work then it’s something worse. Of course, 120 dollars later, they are still willing to run skin tests and I hate the position of not being able to afford something he might need. I’d definitely sell my body to pay for my dog’s life and I don’t see anything wrong with that.