I hate checking bags when I travel. Especially when it’s a short trip to the beach but this time I had to. I was taking some lotions from Victorias secret to Edith. But I had to take my computer on the plane. So, I grabbed a bag that I hadn’t used in a while. In fact, I hadn’t used this bag in over a year. It was a Christmas gift in 2010 and I used it one or two times that week and I hadn’t used it since. Anyway, I’m on the plane and the lady sitting behind me was in the bathroom so I thought it would be a good time to get my computer bag. While I was standing, the lady came out of the bathroom and I stood back to let her sit. You know how when people pass you, you can kind of smell them? Well as she passed and I was lifting the bag, I got a whiff of the most awful smell. It was terrible. It was ally really bad. I thought to myself, DAMN, that woman STINKS! BUT USUALLY, when a person passes, the odor passes in a couple seconds. And I’m thinking DAMN, THIS WOMAN REEEEAAAALLLLLY STINKS! SHE REEEEEEKS!

As I’m trying to pull my computer out of my bag, I’m thinking, don’t these other people smell her? I’m looking around and everyone did have that look on their face like they bit into a lemon. Ok, at least I’m not the only one that has noticed this.. but then I noticed, the guy sitting next to me had that look on his face but he was looking at me. I’m like, man that woman stinks, huh? Then, I noticed the smell was getting stronger and stronger. And it seemed to be coming out of my bag. I said, “is that my bag smelling like that?” he just sat there, covered his mouth and nodded yes.

I looked and nothing was in the bag. I hadn’t used it in over a year. Then I opened the side pocket and there it was… a plastic container with some VERY unidentifiable food in it. And it was in my hand. I held it up, looked at it, and shouted, EEEWWWW! Everyone within 10 rows of me had to hear me…it was the MOST RANCID, VILE, AWFUL smell I have ever smelled before. I went to the flight attendant and said this needs to be thrown out. Of course that wasn’t possible. But he did put it in the trash. Then, a few minutes later the flight attendant from the back came up and said, “what is that smell, people are asking?” everyone just pointed and said Big al has stunk up the whole plane. How did they know it was me? Trust me… when I fly to mexico, I meet everyone within three rows of me and invite them all to my bar. And now I was know as stinky guy.

To make matters worse, I had stinky hand. Yes I washed my hand. But the smell was still there. Every time I took a sip of my drink, I could smell my hand.

Then I had to take stinky bag through customs.

How did this aroma not stink up my house? I’m a bachelor! Theres always some type of smell in my house. Actually, thinking back, I did smell something from time to time and I was thinking it was the trash, so I would take it out. Or some leftover food in a to go box. I had no idea it was food that was a year old.