Today’s events:
1. I called Adam Levine,
2. I witnessed a murder scene cleaning service next door
3. I bought toilet paper.
Should have reversed the order of the above, but I figured I’d start with the most compelling. Did Blake Shelton really give out Hot Adam Levine’s phone number on twitter? I call him Hot Adam because he’s just hot. Like hot enough to watch The Voice on mute. I actually never really watch the show, but killing some time before The Following and the basketball game, I got to catch a few minutes of the show and it was pretty great. Anyways, I wasn’t following Blake or Adam on Twitter when the conversation occurred, so I was late to the party. I don’t know why I called the number. It seemed real. I figure it’s like the lottery. You can win if you don’t play even though I’m more likely to die in a plane crash than win the lottery. Same goes for Hot Adam. Would be cool though.
The entire weekend, I kept driving by this parked white van. Sounds creepy. But it gets creepier. It was a Mercedes. No really, that makes it less crazy right? The van had its business logo on the side. “AFTERLIFE CLEANING”. That can only mean one thing right? After a few days, and loads of carpeting being dragged out, it because clear that someone died and it was messy. I had to stop myself from asking if I could go in and see. The guy said it smelled really bad in there and I thought to myself, “Uhhh, of course it does. Someone was dead and rotting”. Apparently it wasn’t murder…boring….it was an elderly person who died and no one noticed for a while until it started to smell. I told him he might want to check in my apartment because it smells like someone died. I think my roommate and I just need to take out the trash. What is wrong with me that I have this desire to go in there? You could tell me door number one is kittens and ice cream and door number 2 is a murder scene and I would always choose door #2. I mean, I’m lactose intolerant and it’s not like it’s puppies. CATS!
The other event of the day is really non-news. I just hate buying toilet paper. I don’t mind buying tampons on the rare occasion. I am not ashamed to buy anything sexual related. I just can’t stand being caught on the toilet paper aisle. I like the double rolls because they are big, but then it looks like you need extra absorption for whatever is about to go on in the bathroom. I just like bigger. There’s always a hot guy on the toilet paper aisle too. But he’s buying paper towels for his girlfriend. Single girl (me) makes eye contact with hot guy who then realizes she’s holding 24 rolls of double layered Charmin and hot guy even if unavailable, will forever have a visual of freshly dumped girl dumping. Gross!!!
