Actually, 4 days is too much because I am in full vacation mode. I get way dumber over breaks like this. If you are what you eat, I’m a frozen peach bellini. I always start off being so productive. I cleaned, did laundry, bought some groceries, did some two a days at the gym, did all the girl grooming that needed to be done, shopped, actually brought in the ridiculous amounts of light bulbs that I bought at the hardware store (no I haven’t put them all in yet), and I did some shopping. That was just Thursday and Friday. So weekend is here and it was time to be social. Something about being social just equals weight problem for me. I look so much better when I’m unhappy and too busy to be social. Instead, I start getting into the summer fun mood and 6 glasses of trash can punch later, I am arguing with the karaoke woman over why I can’t sing a Heart song and she was not into it, nor was she into my drunk friends, so we had to leave without getting our karaoke fix. So, we did the next best thing and went to eat some of the best burgers in town. I have realized that the people that think my friends and I are funny are the ones who haven’t seen SNL on the reg lately and they are really laughing at us doing bad impersonations of recent skits. “And we’re still not porn stars anymore” “The whole hand in” See, if you had seen the skit, you could get it and kinda laugh, but if you haven’t, it’s shocking and funny and you laugh because you really have no idea what we are talking about. Point is, watch the porn stars selling Hermes pronounced Herman’s Handbags. Okay, I’m stopping that one now because people are too freaked out by my “whole hand references”. This was also the weekend of all weekends when it comes to blackmail photos. My friends and I now have a verbal agreement that we will delete all incriminating photos after we share them with one another each weekend morning after a late night out. Reminders of good memories and delete. And by delete I of course mean put on my external hard drive and take off my cell piece so I can at least have access to them when birthdays and weddings come around for embarrassment purposes. Never forget about the entertainment factor in life people. It’s more important that anything. Being entertained might very well be more important than being happy. I’ll tell you what, I am definitely not what I would deem “happy”, but I have never been more entertained that I have been lately.
Let’s backtrack for a second and talk about my decision to look more ethnic. Now, I know I am not ethnic at all, but in the last couple of weeks, I have had 2 friends tell me that someone asked them about their Mexican friend..referring to me. Me? Mexican? Awesome. I am not ethnic at all. Welsh and a touch of Cherokee is all I know for sure, but I welcome any reference to being foreign. So after trying on a very girly bathing suit, I realized that it was time to look the part. I can be a pale Mexican right? So, I ventured out to this place next door to where I live that is supposed to have the best spray tan and first timers are free. Somehow I get coerced into doing their high end tanning bed that unexpectedly sprays you in the face with aromatherapy and other unknown liquids. Then I did the double shot and got a spray tan. I went from pale to a week in St. Barth’s tan in 20 minutes. No wonder people go in those cancer beds. It makes you looks great. But I need to remind myself why I haven’t been to one in 7 years. It can’t be good for you. Health over beauty? Yes, actually in this case I think I’m going to take the paler route, though people really do look better tan. I’m just going to say it. We all know it.