It’s been a month since I’ve been unceremoniously dumped. It would have been by text had I not gotten in my car driven over there and gotten all of my things. Some days I just remind myself that someone who has known me for 2.5 years, would have been just fine leaving a serious relationship at, “It’s not working” via text. Subsequently he’ll throw in the occasional Instagram like once a week as a courtesy or perhaps a reminder that he’s fine being a peripheral part of my life. At some point it all just becomes so insulting it’s laughable.

I came across this interesting article a woman wrote about why men dump women the way they do. I’m not saying there are rules for dumping, but there should be a level of respect. Earn your way out you know? If you’re a man, you likely worked hard to get your girlfriend to fall in love with you. So let’s put some effort into ending it.This article shed some interesting light on the matter, saying it has everything to do with emotional capabilities. If a man isn’t comfortable with emotion, then there’s no way he can handle causing something emotional.

So if our relationship is solely Instagram-ish, then I’ve come to the decision that there’s nothing wrong with my finding my next relationship on Instagram. It’s already gotten me a date. 3 actually. That may sound exciting to you. I hate meeting new people. I’m the type that is a better version of myself once you know me. I don’t think I make good first impressions. I am chatty, self-deprecating, goofy. Those things make sense once you get to know me and I like to think people find me likable at certain juncture. I really don’t have good first impression confidence with myself. All of those insecurities aside, I’m going to do it. Just throw a bunch up against the wall and see what sticks. I don’t mean I’m going to say yes to anyone, I think I just need to open my eyes a little bit. One of my girlfriends gets approached all the time and she says it’s because she gives off the “come and get it” body language while I give the “leave me alone” vibe. I bitch about not getting asked out, but I really don’t. Even less now that my hair is brown. I guess the blonde looked easier:) I really mean that when I say I never get asked out. I am not sure why all of a sudden there’s been a wave of suitors asking to take me out, but I know that tide pool will dry up if I don’t take a dip soon, so dipping I will go.

lonely-jenna-091814It’s a new approach for me, but I know that it’s not because I just want a boyfriend. It’s more that I am at a place in my life where I need a companion. The thing that I enjoyed most about my few months of real relationship life was having someone to share moments to everyday life with. I can’t tell you how lonely my day-to-day gets. I truly spend every moment of my non-working hours alone. I wouldn’t ever consider myself a “needy” person. I’m an only child and have never been a boyfriend hopper. I am normally totally happy on my own. It’s just that I’ve become increasingly bored with myself. It’s quite comforting to have someone to share daily life with, whether it’s going to the dog park, watching football games or cooking dinner. Who am I kidding, I don’t cook dinner. You get what I’m saying though. I realize that I was a much better and happier version of myself when I could spend time with someone else. I’m tired of myself…I’m starting to fee like everything I do and see on a daily basis is done completely alone. I have stopped even wanting to make new memories because no one is sharing in them. I definitely have some great girlfriends, but they are all in relationships right now. I am totally happy for them, but girls know the way that goes. They are traveling and going to dinner with their romantic partners and I am just tired of 3rd and 5th wheeling it. I actually enjoy being a guy’s plus one to a family activity. It’s so weird that I don’t even have the desire to be on the fast track with anything. I simply want to share my life with someone.

Whatever I have been doing hasn’t been working, so it’s time to change-up my behavior. I’m going to get over the awkwardness of going out with strangers, because there’s simply no other way to find what I’m looking for. I guess this realization hit me hard this week especially when I have a mild flu for two days with a fever, no one to even ask to pick me up something to eat, and on top of that I went from a locksmith for house keys, to the hardware store for air filters, then to the gas station to put air in my deflating tires. I was sweating and nauseous and it SUCKED. It hit me that I was doing all male activities and I was sick as a dog. It had to be done though. Great and all that I can take care of myself, but it would be really nice to come home to someone who said, “Let me change that air filter for you and by the way, you look really pretty when you’re sick.”