I’m not a small girl. But I’m not a medium, either. And I get where it’s hard for people who want to buy me a piece of clothing. They know just by looking at me that I’ve got to be a solid large. I mean, come on….I’m a smidge over 5’9”…I haven’t been my model weight since that two-month period of high school right after I completed three months of NutriSystem and before I became a binge-eating bulimic…And even though I’d love to drop about 10 pounds now — who wouldn’t? — I have conquered the majority of my demons thanks to the love of the Lord and learning to love the body I’ve been given, which just so happens to be a LARGE.
But I get it! When it comes to birthdays and Christmas, people want to buy me something cute to spice up my mostly-black wardrobe. They just can’t bring themselves to buy me a large. I’m sure it’s because they think it would hurt my feelings. Believe me. I get it! But then I have to gather up all the gift receipts and head back to the mall in search of any large that hadn’t been scooped up over the holidays. It’s fine. And I’ll say it again — I get it! However, I do have a problem with the sales chick who tries to perpetuate the lie by insisting there’s no way I’m a large as I’m handing her back the medium that stretches across my bosom so tight that the material becomes see-through. Honey….I’m a LARGE. And I’m returning the MEDIUM because it’s too SMALL. It’s REALLY okay! Just give me my store credit!
But while I was returning bags full of mediums over the weekend, I did have something pretty stinking awesome happen to me. As I was perusing a rack of random stuff that people had ordered online and returned to the store, I came across this cute Diane Von Furstenberg sweater. Now, I love Diane Von Furstenberg. I’ve always wanted to own one of her wrap dresses, but I’ve never been able to cough up the cash for something like that. However, this was a $298 Diane Von Furstenberg sweater that was marked down to $67. And it was a LARGE. So I tried it on. It was pretty cute. So I figured I’d splurge and finally own something by Diane Von Furstenberg. But when I went up to check out with my cute little sweater and this pillow I found that I thought would go well with my sofa, the lady told me that would be $30 and whatever. I asked her if she forgot to ring up the sweater and she said, “Nope! It rang up for a penny.”
She said they must’ve missed it when they were doing inventory so it rang up for a penny. I tried to tell her that I didn’t want anybody to get in trouble if she needed to check with somebody and she said, “Consider it a blessing!”
So I said, “Thank you for blessing me!” and walked out with my new pillow (that I have to return because it didn’t go with my sofa) and my one penny Diane Von Furstenberg sweater! It’s not like I won the lottery, but for a hot second there, it sure felt like I did!