What the heck am I doing.

Why am I in the gym again. Oh yeah. Because I waited until 10 days before a major photo shoot to lose the 16 pounds I’ve gained since Kidd died. So….when exactly am I going to start looking like those other people in the gym. And will there ever be a time when I’ll feel comfortable wearing a sports bra as outerwear. green-smoothieAnd when will I start to crave that green lumpy sludge I see all these tan, sinewy people simultaneously chewing and drinking out of flip-top Tupperware containers. And whose membership will expire first — mine or the wannabe Cirque du Soleil performer doing his flagrantly flamboyant handstand pushups that are dangerously close to giving me a permanent case of stink face.

I put no question marks behind any of my questions because I never expect to get answers.

On the bright side, I finally made it through a workout without feeling like I was going to vomit or pass out. My next goal is to get through a workout where I don’t feel like I’m going to cry. And my goal after that is to lose the rest of these now 12.5 pounds. Yes, I’m making progress, despite myself.