Don’t travel to NYC when you’re barely a month into a new relationship. Deep in the throes of lust and infatuation, no deli sandwich, celebrity sighting, or once-in-a-lifetime fan experience can compare to scheduled FaceTime conversations and the maddening countdown to your departure flight home.
It’s not that I don’t love NYC. I do. And I can’t wait to take Emma Kelly there for her first street pretzel and Broadway play. But I wasn’t in the right state of mind to spend another cold, damp day wandering Times Square in search of Big Al’s one true NYC friend, Naked Cowboy. And I spent two days recovering from our native NYC dining experience at Johnny Utah’s country and western bar. (That was typed with extreme sarcasm, by the way. Who cubes brisket??)
So when the idea of going home early popped in my head, I just couldn’t shake it. I thought I’d feel differently after Fallon. After all, I got a high-five from the man during the closing credits. In fact, my entire head filled the screen for what felt like two whole seconds. (Kidd would’ve had a field day with that one. My big fat head blocked out the entire row sitting behind me. I guess he was right about it being that big….)
But after Fallon, my choices were sitting at the hotel bar for vodka treats or going to play ping pong. And I knew the next day would be spent whiling away the hours until I could sit in another studio audience where I would be distracted by the thoughts of Tinder Wolf dancing in my head. I realized all I wanted to do was go home. So when I found out there was a 7am flight leaving the next day with room for me and my big fat head, I booked it. I was never more happy to sit in the middle seat five rows from that back. (I have to learn how to do that early check-in online thing….Boarding C-53 sucks.)
So I left grey and gloomy with a chance of snow behind and returned to the land of warm blue skies and bliss! And as if to validate my decision to come home early, Tinder Wolf decided he was going to grill out and took me GROCERY SHOPPING!! Do you know what this means??? WE ARE AN OFFICIAL COUPLE!!!!