No more of this degenerate behavior from me. After nearly 3 years of hardly going out to the point my own friends considered me a recluse, I have made it a point to go out almost every weekend for the last month. I think I have had my fill…. Staying up until 5 am, partying with my friends and sleeping half the following day, really is not my ideal lifestyle. I’m already so exhausted by the time the weekend comes around and the way my body feels after a night out makes me want to go to sleep and never wakeup. I have been trying to be one of those, “live in the moment” types because my 2 best girlfriends are that way and it seems to work quite well for them. Not so much for me. My body is very disappointed in me.

After being healthy for about a month and rarely even drinking, now I’m just on a downward spiral. I decided to go home on Saturday night after a birthday dinner, despite pressure to stay out, and I ended up sleeping for 12 hours straight. Yesterday the only time I made it out of my bed was the hour I spent on the elliptical. Other than that, it was straight Masters watching from the bed. Quite nice to be honest. I may feel differently about the going out thing if I had actually made new friends or met a nice guy. I suppose I’ve been on somewhat of a tear, not the same kind of tear as most of the guys I’ve encountered. It’s funny how you don’t go out for a long time and you think you’re missing out on something great. Really, not the case.

There are times I wish I could be more like some of my girlfriends who are always going on dates and trips and being completely open to meeting someone. I am just not that way. I have had moments of making an effort and that always turns out to be regrettable. I’d seriously rather never try. I think the “leave me alone” mentality is far more fitting for me. Holly, keeping up with the trend, went out all day yesterday. I was so excited for her to get home and she climbed into my bed and we watched Young Adult with Charlize Theron. If you haven’t seen the movie, it’s a disturbing account of the hot, popular girl in high school who is now a divorced 37 year old that moves back home only to try and get her first love back. She doesn’t care that he’s happily married with 2 kids. First of all, Charlize is way too hot for her to be believably pathetic, but she has the crazy thing down.

Holly and I looked at each other uncomfortably because watching how crazy Charlize was, made us feel crazy too. Haven’t we all been there? Thinking someone likes you when they don’t-at all. Misreading signals, throwing yourself at someone, lol…I am seriously embarrassed about anything I’ve ever done. I’m resolving to never make an effort with the opposite sex again. I think I also need to tone down my darkness. Something tells me the pedophile jokes are a turn off. Another reason to never go out again? This photo that I don’t remember taking…