Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart will NOT be Attending the VMAs!

Here’s some water cooler fodder for today: If Naomi Campbell is such a nightmare, how does she keep getting gigs? Naomi is heading to NYC to film her new Oxygen show, “The Face.” Naomi is leading the charge in finding a new top model who will become the face for a major national brand. Page Six is reporting that designers Marc Jacobs and Zac Posen have been approached about taking on some role on the show. Karolina Karkova is going to serve as a judge. Filming starts next month.

Maksim Chmerkovskiy is calling out Hope Solo. He and Hope were partners on “Dancing With the Stars” last year, and in her new book, Hope claims that during rehearsals, Maks slapped her across the face while trying to put her head in the correct position. Maks says that is absolutely false. He has no idea why Hope would publish something so defamatory. Plus, Maks says if Hope had a problem with him, then why has she had dinner with him several times since their dance partnership ended? And why did she tweet him just before the Olympics, offering him free seats to one of the Team USA soccer games? Hmmmm…..TMZ reached out to Hope for a comment, but they haven’t heard back from her yet.

Halle Berry wants to pack up her daughter Nahla and move to France to protect her from the paparazzi. Nahla’s father, Gabriel Aubry, is fighting her tooth and nail to keep Nahla here. But now Halle is hoping that Salma Hayek’s star power will help convince the judge that it’s in Nahla’s best interest to make the move. Salma is married to a French billionaire and they have a daughter together. They spend a majority of their time in France, where Salma and her child don’t have to deal with dangerous paparazzi situations because they have such strict laws against those things.

Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte thinks he’s come up with a money-making catchphrase — “Jeah!” He’s filed the paperwork to trademark the word, which he’ll slap on a whole bunch of stuff and try to sell to us. He’s covering all the bases — sunglasses, coffee mugs, trading cards, hats, water bottles, swimsuits…Duh. Even thought the trademark application is pending, you can already buy stuff covered in “Jeah!” on Ryan’s website.

Everybody has been waiting for that bound-to-be-awkward run-in between Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart at the VMAs next month! Well, it won’t be awkward at all, actually. Even though we all heard that Robert and Kristen would be presenting an award together, apparently that’s not the case. Kristen’s people say she’s scheduled to be at the Toronto International Festival so she can’t make it, and Robert’s people say he was never confirmed to appear in the first place. How convenient…….But how much do you wanna bet Robert will be there now that Kristen’s backed out?