My vacation can be adequately summarized like this: Sushi, lil wayne, vodka, the elusive Eloise, 2016 marriage plans, roofies, killer dance moves and the summer bod.
Where to begin…the week started off s…l…o…w…it is vacation after all, but man did I get a glimpse of what my life would be like if I were a stay-at-home mom with no kids, no job and not much money. I decided a staycation was just what I needed to get my mind right, but I took nearly the whole week just to turn my mind off. Now it’s time to get back to the grind. It’s no secret that I have a torrid love affair going on with my roommate Holly and we are basically lesbians minus the intimacy stuff. That being said, there were lots of date nights this past week. Just Holly, me and good food-lots of it. Our best guy friends manned up and treated us to Nobu – which is definitely one of those places you only get to try occasionally on a date where the guy is trying to impress his way into getting some strange. But these guys just wanted good company and Holly and I fit the bill. I put my new and rather obscene Lil Wayne tank top on-which btw took over 3 weeks to get here from Sweden, cost upwards of 60 dollars in shipping charges and feels like it’s worth about 5. Over dinner, our friend was telling us about his plans to meet up with this chick named Eloise the following day for a date and he was pumped. She was going to head to a St. Patty’s Day house party with us and apparently doesn’t get out much. Much to mine and Holly’s surprise, some dude showed up to roll with us and he was a beatdown. Apparently, my male friend follows the Big Al Mack rule of thumb and enters people’s phone numbers with bad nicknames or just wrong all together. “Eloise” was actually some dude he had saved into his phone as “Eloise” and had been making hangout plans for weeks. This guy was definitely pumped for the hangout sess. My friend was mortified but had to go with it for hours and hours. I highly respect the level of follow through and commitment that took.
Vodka was another hot item over the vacay since it’s the season of the summer bod and that’s the option for the healthy drunk. Summer bod takes no prisoners, summer bod didn’t like the French toast partnered with a gallon of maple syrup I had this morning. Summer bod definitely disapproves of the Tombstone snacky I had just now. Summer bod is watching. That brings me to the bodybuilder that lives in my guy friend’s apartment building, invited him out last night, then proceeded to put GHB in his drink ‘just for fun’. Apparently roofies are a great way to get messed up and hey, no calories. Bodybuilder knows all about summer bod.
2 of my friends, one guy and one girl, who must go unnamed, made a drunken pact that I was witness to, saying they will get married in 2016 if they are both available. I don’t understand why people do this. You all know by now how incredibly pro marriage I am (not at all), but if you would even consider marrying this person, why aren’t you with them now? And it gets better when the pact talk transitions into the other males and females they are currently interested in. Here’s my pact: If I haven’t found someone by 35, I’m registering at Pottery Barn and Buy Buy Baby, adopting a foreign orphan and all my friends are buying me stuff and things. What’s wrong with that? I’m sick of this married people-privilege stuff. Just because I don’t get married, shouldn’t mean I can’t beat all my loved ones down with parties, rehersal dinners, baby showers, and whatever else the domesticateds do:)
As an end to the weekend, Holly and I had our own dance party and she thinks her moves are pretty tight-which they are not. She’s trying to bring back the raise the roof move, not unlike her usage of bomb.com, which also will never be back in style, if it ever even was.
