With the bad weather and tornadoes striking parts of the country and leaving people and property devastated, it made me question my preparedness for a disaster. Other than a few bottles left in a 24-pack of water, maybe four cans of green beans, a random assortment of decorative, scented candles and a lighter that’s supposed to be in the junk drawer but never is, would I be able to provide what me and my daughter need to get through a crisis? It doesn’t sound too responsible of me to say, “Oh, I can live without electricity for a day or two. It would be an adventure for me and Emma Kelly to rough it for a couple of days.” Because I look at the devastation on TV and realize that one day, it might not be as simple as waiting for the repair crews to get around to my street.

Right off the top of my head, I can rattle off a few things I think would come in handy during a crisis — more bottled water, more canned food, batteries, a lighter I can actually find, toilet paper….But obviously, I’m missing some key things I should be hoarding in case of disaster. And THAT’S where I made my mistake — googling “disaster hoarding.” I am now completely freaked out. On the very first site that popped up, the guy had a list of FIFTY-EIGHT things you need to have in case of disaster! He did admit at the beginning that this was a very thorough list, but, he said, “If you read nothing else, read #58.” So I scrolled down to #58 — GUNS AND AMMO!!  What?? Apparently, I’m supposed to be so prepared because I’ve hoarded items 1-57 that I will need to defend me and my property with guns and ammo?! He also suggests having at least 1000 rounds of ammo for each gun. For EACH GUN??? How many guns do I need to protect my property???

And then I went back and looked at the entire list. He recommends a generator, although it is considered a luxury item that should be purchased once everything else is hoarded away. He does remind us that a generator will be a target for thieves, so back to item #58…

I won’t go through the entire list here, but he says I need to get a portable toilet…heavy duty plastic bags to line the bucket..lye or Clorox to break down the poop…a shovel to bury it all in the back yard…Will it ever come to this???

He recommends hoarding honeys and sugars and even a grain grinder! Like I’m going to be all Martha Stewart trying to whip up creamy desserts and fresh-baked loaves of bread to get us through a crisis??

The list goes on and on….a washboard, lamp oil, hatchets and saws, fishing supplies, thermal underwear, lumber, seeds, tinfoil and yes — duct tape.

I am thoroughly freaked out because apparently, I need to be prepared to rebuild a city in case of a disaster. And besides all that, where the heck am I supposed to store all this stuff??

For now, baby steps — I’m buying more bottled water, more green beans, and I’ve got to find my lighter.

Get the full list of disaster items here.