Twenty months ago, I was in the same hospital, eating the same cafeteria food, smelling the same smell, and feeling the same uncertainty of what is to come. Once again the visit has changed my life… for the better.
Everything was eerily similar to the day Cason came into this world, except that I felt different mentally. Cason is my first-born, and to me, he is still my baby boy. I went into the day feeling guilty. I felt guilty that Cason was not going to be our only one. A new baby was coming, and in my mind I felt that I was breaking a promise that I made to Cason the first 10 seconds I held him. I know he will never remember, and he didn’t understand, but I remember… and I knew exactly what I said. I told him, “you will always be THE most important thing in my life, and daddy is never going to let you down, ok? I promise.” I meant that. I still do. I never thought about the fact that we would have more kids, because I was caught up in that moment. For some reason, in my head… I felt like I let Cason down because he will not THE most important thing in my life anymore.
I was nervous to how Cason would react to Chloe, but I was more nervous to know what I would feel. I can honestly say that as soon as I saw Chloe, the estrogen levels in my body skyrocketed. This was such a different feeling. With Cason, I felt proud, because I knew I was going to be the best father I could possibly be. I felt proud because I want to raise a man… a real man. A man who loves his family, a man who respects women, a man who becomes an asset to our society, and a man who can say his best friend is his dad. It made me feel manly! With Chloe, I became mush. All that guilt I was feeling vanished instantly. It took me to meet her, to realize that Cason is THE most important thing in my life, and so is Chloe, and so is Kinsey. People may not believe in love at first site… well, those must be people who have never had children. I fell in love with Cason as soon as I saw him. Cason was the turning point in my life where I had to officially become a man. I fell in love with Chloe as soon as I saw her too, not because she looked exactly like Cason, and certainly not because my chances of going to jail will increase when she turns 14 due to boys coming around.
This birth completed the thing I have been wondering for the last 11 years. How in the world did I get so lucky? I have a wife who genuinely loves me, and I am not even close to being perfect, or the best looking guy, and I was basically homeless when she met me… and she is hot… and has the best personality ever. I have a healthy son and daughter. I have the job I dreamed about when I was in 3rd grade and would make mock shows with my dad, and I was not even close to being the best candidate for the job when Kidd was looking to hire. I had only been in radio for about 4 years (which I used to think was a long time… it’s not), I had never done any sort of major market radio, and I was only 23 years old and still discovering who I was. I got to grow up on the radio, with the people who share the studio with me. I have the life I wished for when I was a kid. Wife, two kids, house, dog. It’s a freaking 50’s sitcom. How and why did this happen to me? Do I deserve it? I worked hard for the job thing, but I can’t explain the other things. I am sure there is someone much more deserving than me. Is it an act of God? I don’t think so, he has much larger things to worry about, like making lake water taste like kool aid. And again, there are more deserving people. Luck? No, because lucky people don’t have trees fall on their house, or dance naked in their room with the blinds accidentally open for his neighbor to watch. Whatever it is, I am glad it happened. Kinsey sent me a text the night before we went to the hospital. It was a meme that said, “you are the best thing that ever happened to me, and I love you”. If she only knew… that is exactly what I think about her, Cason, and Chloe.
See! I told you my estrogen levels skyrocketed! I’m such a wuss right now! Ha
To make up for my softness, I will give you one last Kinsey preggo brain story, day before labor, and probably the reason she sent the text that I mentioned above:
We drove about 45 minutes out of town to buy a used jogging stroller for Kinsey. She really, really, really wanted one so she could go on runs with the kids. Strollers are expensive, by the way. This one cost $450. She said she wanted it as a push gift… so I said ok. She also said we were saving about $200 dollars. Ok, that’s better. We picked it up, and stopped to get gas. I was pumping, she cracks the window and hands me a bunch of junk. She tells me its trash from the car, and to throw it away.
We get home, I look into the cup holder to get my keys so I can open the front door… and they are gone. No house keys. No car keys. No money clip.
I was wearing gym shorts, because she was in a hurry. In fact, I was getting home from the gym and was not even able to enter the house. I just jumped into her car, and placed my stuff in the cup holder. Now my keys and money clip with about $20 were gone. Why? Because Kinsey thought they were junk, and threw them in the paper bag she handed me. She had no explanation for that. House keys are fine, they are cheap. The money clip is no biggie, I used it to buy myself food after the gym. I don’t like traveling with my wallet. My car key, on the other hand apparently cost a couple hundred bucks, because it’s a keyless entry and start. Sounds good in rap songs, sounds bad if you lose one and do not make as much as a rapper.
Luckily, I have a spare… but I still have to replace the key, because I leased, like a boss. But the stroller will end up costing more than a new one, in the end. Kinsey just looked at me, shook her head, and said, “dang… prego brain.” haha! Good times.
Watch Cason and Chloe meet for the first time!