I think my son Cason finally feels ashamed of me. We went to the fair on Saturday. I played one game, because we spent our money on rides that go in circles. But, I made the choice to play the game I was sure to win: the hammer with the bell game. I work out, I feel fairly strong, so I figured I would at least score small prize, but had my eyes on a big one for Cason. I even told him I was gonna get him a ninja turtle stuffed animal. He was pumped! Some kid goes before me, and he does pretty well. Based on his score, I figured I was going to definitely get my prize.

jsi-blog-pic-102114I paid for one turn and one turn only. We were officially out of tickets and game credits, and down to our last five dollars. The guy took the cash and gave me one swing. I reach for the hammer the boy before me used and he stops me and hands me a comically large hammer. This thing weighed three times as much and felt super awkward. I gave it a lil feel, figured I just had to swing hard, and went for it. I put the hammer by my side, swing it back, get under it, and bring it down like I am getting down to Nickleback and choppin’ some wood. Clunk! I hit the side, the crowd looks as the light goes up and comes 5 points from the small prize. Cason is staring at me with a huge smile, “I get ninja turtle!!!!!” The carnie says, “no lil man, daddy wasn’t strong enough.” Cason looks confused. I walked out with my tail tucked, while Cason keeps asking about his ninja turtle. I just want out. There were a few people watching. Just wanted to forget.

Well, today our neighbor came over to chat, and Cason and I answered the door, he asked me if I had been getting strong, and Cason said, “no… My papa not strong. Papa is weak.” And that’s when Cason broke my heart yesterday. Can we go back to when he wasn’t trying to talk.