How about that 3-day weekend right? Blah. Boring vacation. Still feeling heartbroken. Blah. I did at least have a date, so I’m trying. But it’s someone that I would never date and would never date me so it isn’t going anywhere. Wait, is that what they call a rebound? Ahh, ok yes one of those I suppose. He’s cute. He’s nice to me. He is sweet to my dog. It’s nothing more than a step in the right direction.
I went to see Ex Machina. Probably too hyped up for me with 91% on Rotten Tomatoes. It was very dark and weird. I recommend it:) I also checked out the massage parlor. It was the best 35 dollars I’ve spent-well at least since I paid for a background check on someone that one time. I’ve been spending way too much money on fancy massages; when I can get someone that speaks zero English, silently rub me down. In 60 minutes, the only thing he said was “turn over”. I thought he said, “it’s over” so I started to get up. I’m always jumping to conclusions. Since my Miami trip was cancelled, I essentially had absolutely nothing to do. So I threw away half of closet, purging nearly everything I could handle letting go of. It turned into 6 trash bags full of great outfit memories, leaving me feeling so much lighter. Maybe those outfits will help someone else have a feel good moment or impress the one they love. Didn’t work so well for me:) The purge didn’t end there. I have been in such a state of editing lately. From my closet, to the drawers and cabinets of old magazines and paperwork, to taking all the art down from my walls, deleting 400 people I was following on Instagram. Why? I don’t know. I just felt a need to be more minimal and focused. I guess I equate it all to quality over quantity of life. Lots of clothes, lots of “friends”, lots of things just don’t equal happiness for me. Do you ever sometimes feel like you’re drowning in life? I don’t mean in the depressed way like I did a little over a year ago. I just mean crowded. My head has just been crowded. I literally got to a point where I feel like I just need to make more space for new things and get rid of things (and people) who don’t challenge me or see the best in me.
On the unfortunate end of that editing spectrum, I had to start throwing some of Maximus’ things away. He went completely blind this weekend. Just like that. From a slight vision problem to nothing. He can’t see me anymore and it just breaks my heart. He’s scared and confused and it’s such a difficult thing to witness. They tell owners to keep up the positivity and not let them sense your sadness. Easier said than done. I’ve loved 2 things this past year and neither one of them sees me anymore. One by choice and one by illness. Hopefully Maximus will be able to adapt to this loss. Sadly, his hearing and sense of smell aren’t that great anymore either so we will see. I broke down when I realized today that he couldn’t find his own water bowl. I never even considered how difficult his blindness might be. I at least managed to distract myself a little with my boxing. I swear it’s the only thing getting me through everything lately.