First of, I think I have a boyfriend. How do I not know whether or not it’s a boyfriend? Good question that comes with a very VERY long answer. It sounds new…it’s not new. I guess I’ll get into it more later so as not to ruin in before it even starts. I have been waiting about 2 years for it, so there’s that. Is there a better way to phrase, “I went on vacation with my sorta boyfriend’s twin brother?” Didn’t think so. Yes, I went on a romantic Mexican vacation with the brother of the guy I like. He’s basically my brother too and we both wanted to get to a beach for a few days and no one else could go, so we did it! And yes, we fought like brother sister by the end. I’m assuming that’s normal. He wanted my help to find him a girl to romance on the trip/NYE and I tried to explain to him the difficulty in being a wingwoman on vacation when it’s just the two of us, because people either think we are a couple in a bad relationship, or we’re swingers. They he started introducing me as his sister in law. Which wasn’t very well thought out considering I am not 100 percent sure if I’m dating his brother and fast track to sister in law is something I’m sure makes my sorta boyfriend feel great…..not at all. Anyways, our Cabo getaway was awesome. I only had a couple goals for the trip. Get as tan as possible and swim with sea lions. Drinking 100 Miami Vices, getting pulled over by the hardcore Mexican Federales, driving a stick shift wrangler 2 hours across a foreign country and then nearly dying on a fishing boat were not goals, just added bonuses? I am obviously safe and sound…somehow, someway we made it 5 hours out to the middle of the ocean like a scene from The Perfect Storm and it wasn’t my smartest decision ever. I didn’t want to say anything at the time, but we really could have died out there. All for some smelly sea creatures. It was worth it though. Freezing water, chance of sharks lurking and just me a Mexican tour guide with elite swimming abilities. “You sure I don’t need a life jacket in these 12 foot waves?”, to which he replied, “Nah, I got you chica.” I’m not confident in myself in very many areas. But I must say, I am pretty f-ing brave. Maybe it’s to a fault. I’m a risk taker when it comes to adventure, especially with the promise of seeing animals!!! Ohhhh the baby seal were everywhere and we played and we kissed and we writhed around in the ocean water until I got so cold and couldn’t feel my hands getting bit by the creature, so I got out. It was worth it. Easy to say that now that I am alive, but I still question whether it was the best decision. In 2013 before it turned into 20-hurtiiiing, I had a very healthy fear of things. My flying fears, my respectful fear of the ocean, not down for the big ski jumps kinda thing. Between the soul crushing heartbreak of an unrequited love, seamlessly transitioning into quite possibly the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. Losing such an integral part of my personal and professional life, well it was dark for a while. I honestly spent time on this break NOT thinking about work and trying to think about shocked I was that I made it, that WE made it to the end of the year. I wonder sometimes how long death lingers like this. It’s like I use it as a reference point to where my life changed. I’m assuming that’s normal. Does it last for a year? I spend all day today cleaning out every bathroom, bedroom, junk drawer in my condo. Threw away another half of my wardrobe and took it to the Women’s Genesis shelter. I am disgusted by how many things I’ve accumulated. I don’t need things. I will never stop shopping, but I just need to get rid of stuff. Maybe my resolutions started at the end of last summer. My goal was to get healthier and happier and stronger and I have done everything i can think of to get there. Only time will tell I suppose:)
NYE has always been a huge letdown for me, but this one actually turned out to be quite pleasant. I haven’t been as into the get college drunk and stay up all night stuff anymore. My hangovers are worse than death. But my sorta boyfriend’s brother and I went out to our resort dinner. Overcharging for free food and drinks when we weren’t that hungry and were already kind drunk. Sat us at a table full of Mexicans, like the no English kind, and our only method of communication was “Don Julio?” shot after shot after shot. Jenna and bro-in-law were not sober. He got his game face on and I realized I’ve been taking tequila shots the wrong way only my ENTIRE life. I’m not a salt person, but the salt the lime and bite that first, then take the shot and bite the lime again. YUM. Newly acquired binge drinking technique added to the list. My sorta-boyfriend’s brother came up empty handed that night and the others. My goal was more to drink frozen drinks and get my tan on like tan mom. Overall, it went well and I am so glad I got to go out of the country and escape for a bit. Back to reality tomorrow, but I am not depressed. I am looking forward to this new year. I haven’t quite made any resolutions, since I felt like I changed so much of Jenna at the end of last summer. I kinda of want to say I am giving up french fries. It’s crazy, but I want to do it. Does it count if I had one my last lunch in Mexico? I can start whenever right? I just want March to be here so the gym rush will chill. I applaud those who stick to their resolutions about exercise and eating right. It’s hard. It’s phenomenally hard to keep that self motivation, but practice makes anyone better at anything. The first 6 months is the hardest. Now fitness isn’t a resolution of mine. I’m hoping to get my life a little more in order. Like purging half of my closet. Who knew it was possible to accumulate so many things? At least that’s done! I want to feel like my life is starting over kinda. I think I’m ready to go all girl for a bit. I mean, as girl as this girl can go. I’m going to find someone to be with so I don’t have to go out and check off all the dbags down the list every weekend. I still don’t feel near the marriage family stuff…but I am just ready to spend time with someone. I think I got myself as happy and I could alone and working and not burdening others with my problems. I feel quite whole again. And I think I have a boyfriend. Isn’t that crazy stuff? He’s gone for another week or month or who know how long so I may very well lose him before then, but if I don’t, 2014 could be looking a little different for me over here. Okay, so when do I exactly ask if we are dating? I’m breaking all the rules here. Is it weird that I am ok NOT having a conversation about it? I just watch the feet and when they feet impress, I can stay chill. labels, rings, verbal promises don’t mean shit when it coms down to it. People are going to do whatever they want to do and that’s just the sad reality of interpersonal relationships. I guess as I’m nearing 30, life has thrown so many curveballs and it’s about learning to thrive with what’s been given to you. This motto can transcend any kind of job or family situation. I feel like I’ve gotten myself into a place of stability and rationality, though there a few months in there that were touch and go:) I think the last things I expected to happen in both career and personal life have started to come together and I’m just shocked on multiple levels. Maybe my resolution is to find happiness. Like really determine what makes me happy. That and no french fries for all of 2014. Something tells me the fry-deprival is going to be substantially harder that finding happiness:) Here’s to a new year. WE made it!