This weather is going to kill me…literally. I have always known that I have that Seasonal Affective Disorder. Between growing up in Ohio and living in Chicago until 4 years ago, I think I’ve had my fill of cold, dark and rainy. It is so bad for me, I have been feeling like I’m on the verge of getting the flu. Holly and I have been staying in our own bedrooms because we both feel sick and don’t want to get each other sick. Even though we both use the kitchen and basically share every drink we have.
Healthy. I don’t know what it is about the rain and gray weather, but it makes me not want to get out of bed. I dragged myself to the gym, half-assed a workout and thought about doing some errands, then just said screw it and got into bed at 7 pm and went to sleep. It was still a struggle to get up at 3:45. Quite the social life I lead. I think I’m going to make an executive decision and just start appreciating my job and give up the wild social life for now. I suppose I just have this fear that if I’m not social now, I will wake up one day in my mid 30’s when it’s too late to party. I’ve never been an envious person in my life. I can’t remember a time when I have coveted something or been jealous of someone. I know that is hard to believe, because I’m a girl and mostly all girls seem to have that jealous gene. Sure, I wish I could buy anything I wanted or have anyone I wanted, but I have never been that catty girl who hates on ones that are prettier than me and skinnier than me and get the guy I want. I have never understood that. But now I have been feeling that for the first time and I don’t know how to deal with that feeling. I realize that I have been jealous of my friends that are able to go out all the time and work out in the morning and roll into work when they want. I know this sounds crazy because my job is pretty killer and I don’t want to lose sight of that. It’s just difficult to always say no when my friends are going to concerts during the week or going to eat at 8pm on a Monday night.
I can’t do it and that is the reality of my life. It makes me feel quite isolated and left out. I know once they all get married and start having kids their life will change drastically and they are all probably just a few years away from that. Still, right now is especially difficult. I think I am smart enough to recognize that not working is totally and utterly unfulfilling. Sometime I just envy the ones that can take a day off when they want and they can’t wake up at 8 am, or even 7 am;) It it just difficult to browse through Instagram and see people hanging out weeknights and Sundays when I am not necessarily working, but it’s almost as if I am. Stupid Instagram. Life sucker. I blame Instagram. If it weren’t for social networking, I wouldn’t know what I’m missing out on. How do I get over it? I know I’m lucky to have a cool job though it’s super demanding. I hope it pays off in the long run. I just really can’t get over the feeling that I’m missing out. Any advice?