If I had to pick a movie to sum up my spring break, it would be Titanic. Except I didn’t end up with a necklace and no one froze to death. Though I felt close when I was soaked and alone after a rainy St. Patty’s day. I went from the highest of all highs getting to go on a trip with someone very important to me-which is just putting it mildly, to perhaps the lowest of lows because the relationship is over. I am not a big fan of using my platform to vent or paint a bad picture of someone that is part of my personal life, but in this case I feel that my emotions need to be put out there because there’s too many in me and they need somewhere else to go. I really don’t want to start the week back on air in a bummer mood, but I’m kinda dying inside. Instead of the dreaded girly play by play of what happened, I am going to throw out some bullet points from my shituation and maybe some of you out there will be able to help me get over this heartbreak. There’s also always the hope that writing about my feelings, will let my feelings free and get them out of me.
-Embarked on a weekend getaway with someone who finally wanted to date me after 2 years and a lot of rollercoaster rides. The trip was everything. In my eyes, I wish it didn’t end kinda trip.
-Back to reality after that, loml-love of my life-was super busy at work.
-more days of my week off go by and it’s like he flipped his light switch emotions off.
-LOML and I see each other once this whole week back. He knows, I know, this isn’t how dating should be. Letting go of something you’ve wanted feels impossible. Letting go of someone you didn’t think existed because they are everything is a task where I’m not sure if I have the skill set to deal.
-Basically, I was really excited about this person and he just wasn’t as into it. I am shattered and confused and feeling really unloveable. I have to let it go.
-I also booked a trip for 30th bday at his favorite hotel in the world, and now I’m going to be spending my 30th bday at his favorite hotel…minus him. I was actually happy there for a min, before it all came crashing down.
I had to end something with someone who IS MY SOMEONE. I havent seen any humans since Saturday night and I’ve been staring at the wall. Just trying to get it all out so I can manage waking up and being chipper for work. Let’s be real, no one wants to hear a girl complain of heartbreak. But I can’t hear your complaints, because my heartbreak is louder:(
Just like the Titanic, this ship is falling apart everywhere. Got my physical. Cholesterol super high. No idea why, Maybe the 5 bags of gummy bears I inhaled the night before? All else is good there. Went to Sports Dr. to try and get rid of these shin splints. They are outta control. There’s a video on my instagram of the acupuncture part of it all. My morales were already low, but this grafton stick/knife thing used to dig around my heel made me think of pain on a whole new level. It was more painful than anything I’ve ever thought to be pain. I really hope it works. Not being able to workout before I turn 30 really adds some anxiety to those numbers.
GOAL: Be fit as can be for 30th bday May 9th
Be unheartbroken by the time I turn 30.
Is this a reasonable goal?