Sitting in Zoe’s because the line at Starbucks was out the freaking door. One more week of my daughter’s art class and I won’t have to fight for butt space any more until the fall. At Starbucks I could justify using their free wi-fi for a solid 55 minutes thanks to that $2 cup of coffee I managed to nurse the entire time. But here at Zoe’s, I have this psychological need to spend a bit more money to compensate for sucking freely on their slow-leaking internet teet. Believe me, I’m going to make the most of the $9 I just forked over. Excellent egg salad, by the way, Zoe’s. And the positioning of this restaurant is WAY better than Starbucks is for people-watching.

That’s because I’m in the rich people neighborhood!! And it’s that perfect time of day when all the women dripping diamonds from their fingertips but not a drop from their botoxed brows are meandering out of pilates class. While they didn’t work up a sweat, these ladies most certainly worked up a thirst for a mocha locha chocka lotta triple shotta grande of something or other. But these women aren’t LINE people. There’s no way they’d queue up unless there were In Circle points involved. But I’m willing to bet that this Starbucks has a private VIP entrance that only the privileged are privy to…And they just sneer their veneers at that long line of caffeine-craving cattle waiting for their turn at the trough. And as they set their sites on that mysterious, unmarked VIP door, all you can hear is the sound of Tory Burch flip-flops slapping against the soles of pedicured feet, mocking those they pass with a subtle thwack-thwack-thwack.

I want to be one of those women.

But then there’s that picture perfect family heading down the sidewalk towards me. Dad’s a tall one! He finally got to break out his khaki shorts for the first time this season. And nestled in his arms, his toddler son, wearing matching shorts and a bright, happy polo. Dad’s striding slowly along, a full head and shoulders above his wisp of a wife, who’s wearing sequins as daywear BECAUSE SHE CAN. And holding mom’s hand is her little blonde mini-me, curls bouncing in the breeze in what must be a non-stop audition to become the next Disney Princess. You never know who’s watching.

I want to wear sequins in the daytime.

And now I’m going to get a to-go box for this egg salad. All these happy rich people are making me feel bloated.