Just got finished helping Emma Kelly with her homework. Yes, she has HOMEWORK. In KINDERGARTEN! I’m trying really hard to remember my time in kindergarten. I remember I had two teachers — Big Miss Talon and Little Miss Talon. Either they were sisters or we kids were convinced they were, but one was big and one was little, thus explaining their monikers. I can’t believe we actually called that woman “Big Miss Talon,” but that’s what she told us to call her, so we did. And I remember I was in love with a little blond boy named Keith. And I remember Mama sent me to school every day with a can of orange juice with a little blue bird on the label and I hated it. And I remember being told I was right-handed and I remember falling off the table on picture day. But for the life of me, I can’t remember being sent home with kindergarten homework.

And this kindergarten homework is HARD! Emma Kelly is now reading short sentences and she has to mark up each work with underscores and rectangles and those little smiley faces that go over the short vowels…And then, to make sure she’s comprehending what she’s reading, she has to answer questions about what she just read in complete sentences! And she has to use correct punctuation and good penmanship and EVERYTHING!! And on the first night of this new homework, I’M the one who screwed up and had her do it wrong. That’s right, I said it — I can’t even do freaking KINDERGARTEN homework!! Yeah, it’s bad when your kid finally realizes that you’re stupid. I thought I could put that off until she was a teenager. Oh well.