What an amazing weekend! Not really, actually. I was in bed by 8pm Friday and thoroughly enjoyed the following 12-hour sleep marathon. I woke up feeling like I’d been drugged, and when you’ve been drugged — or at least feel like you have been — don’t get on Twitter. Trust me on that one.

But after I shook some of the cobwebs out of my head, I put on my baseball cap and hit up not one…not two…but THREE dollar stores! I was in HEAVEN!! I probably could’ve hit up a few more — and I honestly wanted to — but then I had the thought that going to more than three dollar stores in one day would make me weird. So I went home and started cleaning the house. After weeping at the site of dusty baseboards and bookshelves and feeling overwhelmed that I’ll never get everything done before Emma Kelly’s birthday party next weekend, I broke down and hired maids to come give the house a thorough scrubbing. They’ll be here Tuesday. That means I only have a couple of days to get the house clean enough for the maids. And then after they do their thing, we’ll spend the days leading up to Emma Kelly’s party on Saturday not touching anything.

Right now, I’m enjoying a cup of coffee while taking a break from cleaning out my closet. Besides the anxiety of maids coming on Tuesday, throwing that swap party last weekend made me realize I could dig even deeper into this ongoing need I have to purge things right now. It’s been fun coming across old birthday cards gushing about how awesome I am. Who doesn’t need to be reminded of their amazingness? But how sickening it is to find long-expired gift certificates for food, facials and all things fun. That’ll teach me not to let it get this far out of control again.

And like I said before, Emma Kelly’s birthday party is happening Saturday. I can’t believe she’s going to be 6 on Friday!! One minute she’s whimpering like a baby, begging me to pick her up and love on her…The next minute, she’s got her hands placed firmly on her cocked-to-the-side hips, sassing me as hard as any 16-year-old would. I’m just wondering when the time will come that she and I will create that special mother/daughter memory of me slapping her so hard across the face that it shocks the sass right out of her. It’s happened to all of us, hasn’t it?

I’ll never forget where I was — standing in the doorway separating the kitchen from the dining room in my teenage home on Rainier Street. I don’t remember exactly what I was saying, but I clearly remember the taste of venom in my mouth as I was saying it. And when my mama hauled off and slapped me across the face? As shocked as I was to feel the sting on my cheek, I clearly remember thinking, “I deserved that.” I’m not going to say I never talked back to my mother again, but I will say I never did it hatefully enough to cause her to slap my sassy mouth again. And I can tell that my time with Emma Kelly is coming…..I just don’t know if we’re going to make it all the way to her 16th birthday before we experience it.

I guess I’ll get back to my closet now.