Mine is the birthday that never ends. I can’t think of something I want to celebrate less that more people want to celebrate with me. But rather than have one birthday brunch and be done with it, it becomes a big dinner and bar celebration followed by multiple birthday lunches spread out over the entire month, each with a separate birthday dessert. Follow all that up with one big Easter/multi-birthday celebration with my mother and sister-in-law (we’re all April babies) that includes my mama’s macaroni and cheese and a corn casserole swimming in cream cheese and butter…I might as well have slathered it all on my butt. And the end result of all this birthday celebration? I’m now up another 5.5 pounds in one weekend! How is that even humanly possible?? And here we are, TWO DAYS before a photo shoot that will leave me with pictures I’ll be stuck with — based on the last photo session — for the next 6 years!!!!

I don’t know what is wrong with me. I’ve been in the gym faithfully for the past two weeks. I worked out last Friday so hard that I literally puked. But apparently all the working out in the world followed by puking isn’t enough to make up for the glutton that I’ve become in my old age.

But I do have a lot to be thankful for, right? I mean, I’m writing thank you notes every day for all the wonderful gifts I’ve been given. And I said a special thank you to God last night for allowing me to avoid a head-on collision on the tollway.

Yes, you could very well have been reading my obituary this morning instead of my whiny blog.

close-call-crashI was trying to get home from a long Easter/birthday celebration at my parents’ house. It was raining lightly, but I still felt comfortable going the speed limit of 70 down the tollway. Traffic wasn’t too heavy. The rain wasn’t so bad. I passed a car that was going about 50 out of either safety or idiocy and ended up in the far left lane, riding along next to the wall that separates the northbound from the southbound sides of traffic. Another car shot into the middle lane right next to me, and we both happily cruised on neck-and-neck at 70 mph for the next couple of miles. And then we rounded a corner and there it was — PARKED in the inside lane next to the wall — a car FACING me. I had about 2 seconds to decide what to do, which was to tap my brakes and scoot over into the middle lane. Thankfully, my tollway buddy inched over enough and we all missed what could have been a tragic situation.

A head-collision at 70mph??? Would Emma Kelly and I have survived that??? I know if I had looked down for one second to change the channel on the radio or glanced down to see who just texted me or turned over my shoulder for a split second to take a peek at what Emma Kelly was doing, we would’ve slammed head-on into a parked car while going 70mph!!

I said a prayer thanking God for allowing me to make it around that car. I said a prayer asking for other drivers to avoid hitting that car, too. And first thing I did when I woke up this morning was check the internet to see if anything had happened. I found nothing. Thank you, God, for answered prayers.

It makes griping about gaining another 5.5 pounds seem meaningless, but I’m still ticked off about it.