I thought Emma Kelly wanted to go see the One Direction movie. At least, when I asked her she said yes. So after church, we went to the movie theater at the mall and asked the woman behind the counter about ticket availability. She said it was crazy nuts. If I wanted to get a good seat, I’d need to buy my tickets now for a showing two hours away, but then show up an hour early and wait in line for a decent seat. What?? But, she said, that was just for the 3D version. As it turns out, only REAL One Direction fans see the movie in 3D because not only are you putting more money in the boys’ pockets, but you also have Harry and Niall flying off the screen and into your face!! Only FAKE fans would see the movie in 2D. Yuck!! So guess what? There were PLENTY of seats for the regular 2D version of the movie, which not only cost less but also just so happened to be starting in 50 minutes. And what do I care if I’m called a fake fan! I was saving money, not fighting screaming girls for a decent seat, and I still had time to grab lunch in the food court. Two tickets, please!

(Listen to Kellie talk about her trip with Emma Kelly to the One Direction movie)

So EK and I headed to the food court. Let me just say, her school has been selling the kids on healthy eating habits and EK is drinking all the sugar-free purple koolaid they’ve got. And now that my daughter has been indoctrinated, she insists on eating as healthy as she can with the choices she’s presented. That’s fine for her and all, but now she’s insisting on shoving those healthy eating rules down my throat, too. So after she ordered a plain cheeseburger with a side of apple slices and an apple juice — seriously — I started heading toward the Chinese food counter to order myself some stir-fried noodles with extra side MSG. That’s when EK started proselytizing and pitching the benefits of salad. And since I’ve got to set a good example for my kid, I ended up with salad and bottled water. My daughter’s school has now sucked all the fun out of the food court for me. Thanks a lot.

But EK forgot her healthy habits when it came time for popcorn, so I indulged her. After all, we were saving all that money on a 2D One Direction experience. So we round the corner of the darkened theater and found it to be 75 percent empty, but EK climbs all the way to the top row, which is where we settle in.

And then the commercial starts….in 3D. And the next commercial starts…in 3D. A few girls start squealing. One volunteers to go ask the manager what’s up. Another runs out to grab fistfuls of 3D glasses, just in case. A kind dad sitting a few seats down from me decides to go see what’s up and offers to bring back a couple pairs of glasses for me and EK. But before he could get back, the complaints start — “These glasses aren’t working!! It’s not working!!!!!” Dad comes back with his own fistfuls of glasses and Mom’s telling him — they don’t work! Take them back. But I put on a pair. They work find. 3D coming in bold and clear. Everyone settles down. And that’s when we all realize — we’re about to watch the One Direction movie in 3D after all! Yay us!!!

Ten minutes in, EK says, “This is kinda boring.” Thirty minutes in, “Can I sit on your lap?” Forty minutes in, “This is still kinda boring.” An hour in, “Can we go now?”

Of course, I wasn’t about to leave because I kept having faith that it was going to get really good…..any minute now…..

Well……maybe if I was in a theater packed with squealing teenage girls who were feeding off of each others’ enthusiasm, it would’ve been a different experience. But with a bored 6-year-old who was now making her way step-by-step toward the exit, I was kinda ready for it to be over. In fact, by the time the credits rolled, I looked over and EK was gone. I raced down the stairs and found her around the corner next to the trash cans. I could’ve jerked a knot in her tail, but instead, I tried to salvage it by going over to the life-sized cardboard cutouts of the One Direction boys, complete with a space right in the middle for a fan to stand for picture-taking purposes.

ek-1dI asked EK if she wanted to do it and she said she did. But actions speak so much louder than words. We get over there and have to wait for some other girls — and one very eager boy — to finish their photo session, and EK starts to clam up. I ask her if she wants to forget it, but she says no. She still wants to take the picture. But she lets the people behind us go next. Finally, it’s our turn. She walks over with lips poked out and arms folded and stands next to Harry on the end. I try to get her to smile. Nothing. The people behind us offer to take our picture together, thinking she might be more comfortable. Thanks, but you obviously don’t know EK that well……

So I go stand in the spot in the middle to block the “STAND HERE!” sign and try to get EK to come stand with me. She ain’t budging. In fact, her lip pokes our farther and her folded arms get a little stiffer. Realizing that people are now whispering, “That’s Kellie Rasberry and….that must be Emma Kelly!” I’m left with no choice but to try to make the best of the situation. So I strike a pose, hoping that EK will snap out of it and strike one, too. And the end result? Well……………………….Emma Kelly is definitely her mother’s daughter.  When she commits to pouting, she COMMITS. But at least she dropped her arms.

I edited her out of the picture I posted originally, but now that this blog post is up and if you’ve read this far, you deserve to see the truth.