The title of the blog is really 2 fold. Yes, I saw the new Soderbergh movie Side Effects and it was lame, but it also made me concerned about the fact that it’s based on ambien and anti-depressants, both of which I have been taking. Luckily the movie had a twist and it wasn’t an indictment of prescription pills so I think I’m in the clear. You may read this and be critical of my need for pills, but getting up at 3 a.m. everyday is brutal so it’s either ambien or half a bottle of Nyquil which makes me hungover like I feel right now because I am out of ambien and I am losing my mind over sleep deprivation. My doctor wants to ween me off of Ambien because it’s been recently discovered that it’s bad for women. I was like yea, and I bet it’s not healthy having 13 packets of Splenda a day on the min, but I enjoy it. I feel like this environment is so unhealthy anyways, a few ambien and few packets of splenda (80 packets a week), isn’t really that big of a deal. Actually writing that number just now made me realize how awful that is. Hey…at least it’s all legal.

If you don’t know this about me already, I don’t have tons and tons of girlfriends. I am not the type to roll 15 girls deep into a restaurant or bar. Maybe over the years I just stopped trusting girls, but I know that I don’t want tons of them. I do however really try my best to foster the solid relationships I do have. Honestly I have about 4 girls I know I could always rely on and I am totally satisfied with that. 8 years ago I met this Jewish girl from New Jersey while working at The William Morris talent agency in LA as an intern for the summer. She was in a band, I was a sorority girl with one more year of college and not even considering what I wanted to do after. We had the summer of our lives and then we parted ways to go back to our own schools thousands of miles apart. I don’t know how we’ve done it, but we have managed to maintain an incredibly close friendship for 8 years now. I only get to see her about twice a year since she is always touring and I don’t have the chance to travel that much with our schedule. But she came into town last night for a show and we got in 2 hours of hangout. How is it that only 4-6 hours of facetime a year still allows us to be this close? I just love the feeling when you know someone just gets you. I don’t feel that very often these days. When you feel like people don’t “get” you, it makes you feel like you are the weird one. I am so terrible about keeping in touch with friends, but I think she’s kinda the same way and it’s just a mutual understanding. I have had a hard time lately convincing myself that the people that truly know me, love me. I moved to a city where I knew next to no one and all of my college friends still live in Chicago. Being an only child and having a relationship with just my mom has made me always feel like I don’t fit in. I know that sounds crazy because I have a great social circle, but I don’t feel like many people really get me. Since I am so non-traditional in the marriage and baby sense, I don’t have tons in common with other girls, especially as I near the 30 mark. This is why I love my friend Becca. She’s in a band, travels all the time, no desire to get married or have children anytime soon.

It’s crazy how 2 hours with a longtime friend, who I never get to see can make me feel so much better. Life is all about perspective right? There’s just something about walking into the soundcheck and seeing my longtime friend who kills it on the violin, also singing. I felt so proud watching her all talented and creative, working so hard. To think 8 years ago when we met, I was 21, rather aimless, living the life in Santa Monica for the summer and she had just started her band. Now she’s a touring musician with a feature in Rolling Stone and I have this incredible job that I feel so undeserving of and quite untalented compared to the others around here, but it can’t be denied that it’s a good gig. I guess we have both really come along way. I get so caught up in the day to day, that I lose sight of how far I have come it the career sense. It’s nice to be reminded of that so I appreciate it a little more. Then driving to work at 3:30 a.m. this morning, one of her songs came onto my Sirius Alt Nation. It made me smile, which has never happened at that hour. Am I turning a corner? Oh wait, nope. Low tire pressure light comes on and so I had to be all boy and balance my tire pressure. Screw that independent stuff. Back to reality;)