I finally found a way to get out of working out!

So I pre-paid for 24 sessions — three a week for eight weeks, 1:00 every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. It’s called commitment, baby.

But the gym owner put me with a male trainer. He said a female trainer and I would talk too much. And he’s right. And with that simple move, he ruined my plans!!

I’ve had more than one female trainer before. And did you know that trainers can also serve as some mighty fine therapists? They’re especially helpful if you look to your newfound confidante for words of comfort, wisdom and reinforcement while sharing your latest emotional drama or trauma. They eat that stuff up!! And before you know it, you turn around and there are only five minutes left in your one-hour session! And psssht! What’s the point of a five minute workout, right? Let’s go for wine!! It worked like a charm. Every time. And it was a beautiful setup I had going there. Until now.

Now I’m with a man. And he doesn’t want to hear about my single parent problems…He doesn’t want to hear about how I had a meltdown in the dressing room at Dillard’s…And he definitely doesn’t want to hear about my period. So all that’s left to do is workout. Ugh.

So other than not showing up for a session I’ve already paid for — which is actually quite tempting — how was I going to find a way out of working out??

Throwing up!

Yes! Exercising to the point of nausea is a great way to make the workout stop. But you can’t fake it. You have to have to go full on — with all the blood rushing from your face and breaking out in a clammy sweat. And then by excusing yourself to kneel in prayer before the porcelain throne, you can knock a good 10 or 15 minutes off of your workout.

Just remember to eat a really big meal right before your workout. Trust me. It works like a charm.