Welcome to the wonderful adventures of a guy who happens to take care of a baby every afternoon. I have been pretty lucky. I have had a few moments that have pushed me near the “I want to scream as loud as possible” moments, but what took place yesterday is a great example of team work. The team work did not include Kinsey and me. It included my dogs and Cason.

So Cason and I were chillin on the couch, watching Andrew Luck throw footballs, teaching Cason the intricacies of playing quarterback, and having an all around good time… when it hit. Cason had one of those “blow out” moments. That means his diaper was not able to control it’s border and some of his poo made its way out. He was just wearing a diaper cause we hang out in our underwear when we are home alone, like gentlemen. Luckily I had him covered in his favorite blanket, so I was not hit. Unfortunately, that thing was covered, which made it awkward to get up. It took me about three minutes just to get up and make sure not to get it on the couch, the floor, or on me. I managed to throw it down on the floor and took Cason into his nursery to clean him up. Did I mention it was all over him? I ended up putting him in his lil tub to wash him off, where he proceeded to pee on me. He only hit my arm, I am getting pretty good at dodging bullets. Good news: Cason cleaned up quite nicely. Bad news: I walked out into the living room.

What did I find when I walked out into the living room? Oh, nothing… just my dog, Delilah, rolling around in the blanket Cason had just made his “b”. Why was she rolling in it? Because dogs are freaking weird. My other dog, Dex, was just laying a few feet away watching with his tail wagging, like he wanted to join the fun, but was patiently waiting his turn, like a good boy. Then I did what any dog owner does, but should not do, when they catch a dog doing something: I screamed her name. That caused her to start running around because she knew she screwed up. She ran on the couch, through the living room, and into the office and jumped on the love seat in there. I finally caught her and put her outside. I was pretty livid. Then I walk back into the living room and there’s Dex, licking the freaking blanket. WHY?!?!?! What is wrong with these animals. Cason is crying cause he wants attention, Delilah is barking because she wants back in, and Dex is howling because Cason is crying. What did I do? I sang “Wheels on the Bus” to keep calm.

Here’s the cluprit, who does not seem remorseful:

Eventually, I cleaned Delilah up. She didn’t get any poo on the new couch, and I threw the blanket in the wash. On the bright side, when Kinsey came home, she let Dex lick the crap (no pun intended) out of her face. I laughed. Told her what happened. She made gag noises, and got mad. ha! Good times!

Moral of the story: always wrap a baby up in a blanket when you are hanging out in your underwear.

Bonus Moral of the story: don’t let dogs lick your face.

WORD!!!