J-Si’s Blog: Tears For Fears
J-Si’s Blog: Tears For Fears

Well, this has definitely been the craziest Christmas break I have ever had. Now, lets remember that I have been a pretty amazing party animal the last 10 years of my life… so, for this to be the craziest… thats a big statemet. There was no alcohol involved this year… just milk, poop, and pee. Dont get crazy, I didnt go all R Kelly.

Over the break, Kinsey gave birth to our lil boy, Cason. He was supposed to come into this world through door number 1, but that did not happen. We got to the hospital at 8 am. Kinsey was dilated 3 centimeters. Active labor usually starts around 4 centimeters, yes I did a lil studying about giving birth, which was a good thing because Kinsey did not. So we were on track to have the baby around 4-5 pm. Well, the doctor checked every hour and she never changed. The water broke around 6, but she was still at a 3. Two hours later, nothing changed. Why? we found out that Cason had a pretty big head, and that may be the reason why she was not dilating. So we had to go with the C-Section. This means: more work for me because her recovery time is going to take a lil bit longer, and she cant really use her abdominal muscles. Yay! He came into this world weighing 9.7 lbs (big), and was 21 inches (tall). He has my eyes, cheeks, lips, hands, feet, and face. I have also not had very much sleep the last couple of weeks due to the whole eating thing. Here is a tally of my Cason incidents:

  1. peed on- 3 times
  2. pooped on- technically 0, but he did have projectile poop once and he got it on the wall, changing table, and his wipes container.
  3. puked on- once, luckily I was not wearing a shirt
  4. scratched- once.

My “Cason incidents tally” leads me to this: You know when people tell you that being a parent is tough, and you just kind of brush that aside because it cant be THAT tough? Well, I have been a daddy for two weeks, and I can tell you that those people are telling the truth. Being a parent is overwhelmingly fun, but I do love it, so far!

I also did something I have never done. I fancy myself to be a man’s man. I love sports with contact, I like driving fast, I laugh when my friends fall, I dont get grossed out, I have a tool box (thanks to Big Al), and I have recently discovered that I am pretty damn good with putting stuff together and fixing stuff around the house. Why am I trying to prove my manhood? Because I drove to the store to buy Kinsey her pain medication on Christmas, and on the way home I started getting a weird feeling. It was one of those moments where “it” clicked: Holy crap! I am really a father! I am the one who is responsible (along with Kinsey) for this person. Then I started thinking about it. Everything that I will have to make sure to do, every situation I will find myself in: broken bones, broken heart, fevers, colds, life lessons, and so on. Here’s a bit of advice: dont do that! Thinking about the future makes things worse.

As I approached my house I saw a family playing in the yard. Mom, dad, grandpa, grandma, kids, other random adults that I assumed were aunts and uncles, or they were possibly that random person who invited themselves over because they dont get along with their family and they end up eating the last tamale and you never get one… anyways, as I drove past this family, I felt empty. That was the moment I realized that this was my first Christmas without my family… and probably the first of many. I had nobody there with me. Kinsey’s mom was in town, her sister lives here, Kinsey’s sister’s boyfriend had his mom in town as well, and I was the only one who did not have an immediate family member. That was the moment I realized that I am on my own. Its really just going to be me, Kinsey, and Cason. As I pulled into my driveway, my eyes welled up and tears started coming out… don’t make fun… ok, fine! You can make fun, but only if you are a dude 🙂

So there I am, sitting in my car in the driveway, listening to the faint sounds of the family down the street playing in the yard with the random people who may be aunts and uncles… and I am crying. I couldnt stop it. There was no reason for this, it just happened. I should be the happiest I have ever been, right? I guess it was a mixture of loneliness and fear. I have a fear that, for some reason, I will not be able to provide for Cason. My goal in life is to make sure he has everything he needs. I dont want him to be made fun of at school the way I was because my family couldnt afford the “cool” shoes. I dont want to miss a sporting event… or play, if he decides to go in that direction.

So as I am going through my weird crying session (that I swore I wouldnt ever mention to anybody, but I am stupid and think/hope that this is normal), I look to my left and see my neighbor, and a lady friend of his. Yes, they are looking my direction, and I am pretty sure they are thinking about coming over to ask if I am ok. It may have looked as if I lost someone very dear to me, but nope, I was just afraid of life… thats all. So instead of putting them in a weird situation, I got out of my car with the maxi pads, pain killer, and gummy bears, and went inside. Awkward? Very. But I got that out of my system.

Hopefully everything will work out. I do know that we love him, and I do know that I would do anything for him. I also know that every person in this world wants to tell you what you should and should not do with your baby. The most annoying one thus far: My bio grandma, grandpa, and sis came to meet Cason. So we went out to dinner. My grandpa is a doctor, and he had no qualms about it. We went to a pretty empty restaurant, kept him covered, and he did not come in contact with any human. I took a picture of his first outing and posted it. Boy, did I get an angry email from a woman who said I was “the worst father on earth” for taking him out. I looked the woman up on facebook and guess what? Shes not a doctor. She works at a car dealership. I will take my chances with taking my son out with a family member, who happens to be a doctor, any day. I know these people are always going to be around, so I better get used to it. If K-Ras can put up with them, so can I. Yeah buddy!

Moral of the Story: babies can launch poo and pee. Yes, I am at war against my child and his “weapons” are being used without any regret.