It was bound to happen… I officially hate my dogs. Ok, I don’t hate both of my dogs, I hate Delilah. I don’t want to hate her, but she makes it impossible not to. The most expensive thing in my house is my couch. That was the investment that was supposed to stay with me for a few years… and Cason, he was a pretty expensive investment. The couch is well made, I got a heck of a deal, and I love it. So When we moved into the new house and got the couch, I created the “No Delilah on the Couch” rule. Dex can go on the couch because he happens to be awesome. Delilah’s awesomeness varies. She’s kind of like a baseball player; she will get into these hot streaks where she can do no wrong, but when she has a slump, she has a slump all the way. Unfortunately, for me, her slumps include high vet bills, poo in the house, and pee in the house.

We have to lock the dogs up in a separate room when we leave them home alone. Delilah managed to learn how to escape the room with the baby gates. So I have rigged it to make it impossible for her to get out. Why do I do this? To protect my beautiful couch, Lana. Yes I named the couch “Lana”. I named it that because “Lana” is slang for money in Spanish. Anyways, Kinsey has accidentally not set up the rigged up gate properly, and the dog has gotten out, but I can count those times in one hand. So why did I smell the strongest pee smell in the world when I was sitting on the couch getting puked on by Cason? I don’t know, but it was there. I tried to find the source of the smell and figured that she must have peed on the rug, which is easy to clean… hell, if its bad, I can buy a new area rug because we didn’t go crazy with that purchase. I saw no wet spots and Delilah was in the room, so I felt the couch was cleared, but the smell only got stronger.

After a lot more inspecting and sniffing, I found the source of the pee smell… and it was on the couch. You should have seen me sniffing my couch like a dog. Butt in the air, naked, determined. Those are some things that describe my hunting for pee process. In fact, you could actually see the dried up spot ON MY FREAKING COUCH! Kinsey had taken Cason for a walk when I found “it”. When I finally found “it”, Delilah acted as if I knew that I finally found her new potty pad. She had not just peed there once. You can tell by the smell and size that it had been used more than once. When? I have zero idea. So I attempted to clean it because Shanon was coming over with her mom and sister to see Cason. As I was cleaning it, naked, I got up to answer a call. As I was on the phone, Delilah jumped on the couch and peed on that same spot… right. in front. of. me. I about lost it. Luckily me being naked did not end up in embarrassment like you thought it would. haha.

So when Kinsey got home, I told her that we are definitely getting rid of Delilah. So if anyone would like my dog, please take her. Caller number 13. I never thought I would ever say that, but it’s clearly time for her to go. I feel sad saying this because I look at her my baby… but there’s a new baby in town, and he probably wants to be the only one who pees on stuff.

Shanon’s visit went very well. She says she did not notice the smell. She’s a great liar.

Moral of the story: Don’t buy a dog… lease one.