It has been a few weeks since I had seen the inside of a gym but I finally made it in yesterday. And after the gym I saw the dude. I was doing my usual after workout steam room relaxation time… And after coming out of the steam room, I usually take the towel off and get into the whirlpool. About 3 years ago, I was a member of this same gym and I was trying to get into this same whirlpool and this big dude, about a 350 pounder was standing there at the base of the 3 steps that you have to follow to enter the whirlpool. Standard gym etiquette plainly states that when you enter the whirlpool, you go to one of the other 3 corners of the whirlpool leaving the entrance clear for the next guy. Guys are naked when they enter the whirlpool and this is a little awkward to say the least. But this dude, is not only a big guy but while he was standing there he is almost standing so close that you had to come within a foot of his nakedness while you are nakedly entering the whirlpool. This caused me to step into the whirlpool at a different place, I fell, and then I grazed him as I flailed around trying to get my balance. The next day, I quit the gym and I joined another gym on the other side of town. Well, here we are 3 years later, I rejoined the old gym. I hadn’t seen this guy since I rejoined but yesterday, there he was. 350 pounds of man standing right there at the base of the steps again. Apparently, this is his M.O.. this guy stands at the same spot and waits for naked guys to get into the Hot tub. I had to walk in front of him with my towel on, then I hung my towel up on the hook, and then I had to walk back in front of him with my towel off. I was hoping he didn’t remember me but how could he not? Should I try to step in at the same spot and risk another “slip and touch” like I did 3 years ago? I thought about it but I couldn’t. I was way too nervous. So here I go…I have to step in and walk down those 3 steps…naked…next to “big naked.” Ok, here I go…one step, two step, three steps..

I made it. “Big Naked” never even moved. But, he did appear to be checking me out…He was completely un-phased by my caution and nerves. He just Stared. That was his 2nd violation. COME ON DUDE! So I went to the far corner. Now, it was just a matter of sitting there. I couldn’t even relax which is the whole point of being in the hot tub, to relax.

I didn’t know how long he was going to sit there on his perch but I was certainly not going to walk by Big Naked twice in one day. So, I sat..and sat. I normally sit in the Hot tub about 10 minutes. This 10 minutes seemed like an eternity. Big Naked was still there. Right by the freaking steps. Maybe he’s dead! What guy sits in the hot tub this long. Clearly, he was waiting on me to get out. Finally, I made the decision to get out. I had things to do. Rule # 3…never exit the hot tub within 20 seconds of another dude exiting. So, I’m making my way out of the hot tub and Big Naked, who hasn’t freaking moved in the last hour and I was wondering if he was a statue, finally decides its time for him to exit too. As soon as I get to the steps, he is right behind me. I wanted to just turn around and say, “dude,” but that would require us to be face to face naked. That wasn’t going to happen. I just tried to hurry my butt up the steps. That’s when it happened. I slipped. Fell to one knee. And Big Naked was right behind me. He kind of grabbed me a little bit kind of touching my leg. DUDE…MAJOR VIOLATION….NEVER EVER EVER GRAB A NAKED DUDE IN THE HOT TUB… I can’t even swim but if I am drowning in the hot tub because of my clumsiness or some huge overflow of water enters the hot tub and causes the 3 feet water level to somehow make me gag and I’m naked in there, just let me drown. That is not how I want to be remembered. Some naked dude trying to give me mouth to mouth while im naked in the hot tub.