I’m going to have to make sure I leave Emma Kelly alone with the iPad more often. She figured out how to video herself, and apparently my daughter has taken to performing monologues.

I was in the kitchen loading up the dishwasher when she comes tearing out of the bedroom, “Mommy! You have to come see this! Mommy! I can’t wait for you to see this!” And then she made me settle down with her iPad and sat watching over my shoulder, giggling so proudly at her comedic genius, making me watch it over and over and asking me to share it with her friends and play it on the radio. (Watch the video below).

Now, I don’t know where she’s getting the material for her monologues, but I really think I’m going to have to start monitoring the Disney Channel a little more closely. Of course, the minute she starts emoting about being fat, I start to panic. Has she gotten that from ME?? Since the day she was born, I’ve made a very conscious effort to avoid using the word “fat” in front of Emma Kelly. Even when I read books to her, if the author uses the word fat to describe a cat, I’ll skip over it. And when I tell her I’m going to exercise, it’s always because I want my heart to be healthy and NEVER say “Mommy really needs to lose 10 pounds…” But here she is, going on and on about her fat belly! Come to find out that she says she’s fat because she’s expecting a “baby child” — excuse me, that would be TWO baby childs. And when I asked her where she was getting all this stuff from, she said, “Mommy, I’m pretending to be somebody else.” She didn’t say it, but I could feel her thinking, “Duh!”

So my daughter isn’t neither a dancer nor a gymnast and I’m THIS close to letting her quit piano. Apparently my daughter is an ACTRESS! And I’m just wondering if — as her Momager — I should charge my child ten or fifteen percent…..