No, I’m not writing to talk about that gross, sweaty person at the gym. I am officially THE sweatiest person at the gym. Why? I’d say it’s fine if the gym was Curves and all women wearing makeup and hardly breaking a sweat. But no. The gym is mostly men. Sure, it’s mostly gay men so if anyone has the sweating thing figured out, it’s them. Most days I definitely work harder than anyone else, so that explains a little bit, but I’m definitely not fitter than everyone else. I think the sweatier you are is justified by level of fitness, but as fit as I am, I am not peak physical fitness fit. Those guys aren’t sweating much either. I feel like I have Tom Cruise’s butt heater assistant following me around. I’m constantly asking others, “Is it especially hot in here today?” And by “today”,I mean every single day. Are some of us in the world just sweaters? I don’t think I used to be this much of a sweater. Is this a hormonal thing? Am I going through early menopause? What the hell is going on with me?

I made the mistake of venturing out into colored workout clothes. If you don’t know, I normally only wear all black like it’s some sort of fitness funeral. I need to go back to the broody exercise wear since any colored tank shows the plethora of sweat, most notably under my boobs and on my sides. Pants are always black because the colored ones, even Dri-Fit show way too much sweat. I decided to wear a regular blue cotton tank top. Trouble. Did I just steam in my clothes pre-workout? Nope, just did some stretching and worked up a sweat. Are those guys staring at me because of my cool Adidas Stella McCartney mesh running tights? Is it my polarizing Tiger Woods Nike hat? Or are they wondering how they are 5 percent body fat and huge meatheads and I am 10 times sweatier? Back to black, on black, on black. I’m going to change the word sweaty to hydrated since it sounds, oh, about a trillion times less gross. Anyways, if you know why I am so hydrated let me know. And if I am losing so much hydration, why am I not smaller?