I don’t know how to describe my weekend. From pathetically boring to fabulously invigorating, maybe. The pathetically boring part? Sleeping until noon on Saturday, waking up to throw in a load of laundry and watch the “Dish Nation” and “Watch What Happens Live” episodes I’d recorded the night before, and then head back to bed at 3pm for a long nap. The fabulously invigorating part? Well! Thanks to all that sleep, I guess, I was able to go out Saturday night and — as usual — I ended up in Big Al’s bar. BUT! On this occasion I just so happened to run into JOSH FREAKIN’ HENDERSON! (He’s JR’s son, John Ross, on “Dallas”!!) And thanks to just enough — but not too much — vodka, I was able to maintain my composure to a certain extent. Apparently I didn’t freak him out or anything because he actually offered to come in to the studio to talk about the season premiere of his show! Maybe I need to waste away my days with sleep more often and then fuel my nights with just the right amount of vodka. Apparently, my late.
Anyway, my girlfriend has invited me to a cocktail party to meet men “my own age.” What’s up with that? It is true that no men my own age ever ask me out. The only ones that even speak to me are under the age of 30 and working on achieving head waiter status. But perhaps that’s because I’m only hanging out where frat boys and waiters congregate on the weekends. And my girlfriend of the same age swears to me up and down that there will be all these successful, available men “my own age” to meet. She makes it sound like I can just walk in and pick from a catalog — because it’s always just that simple, right? But rather than be excited about it, I’m horrified at the thought of walking into that room and drowning in a sea of grey. I hate to say it, but the last time I went out with a man “my own age,” I looked at him on the other side of that table and thought, “Am I that old?? I can’t be that old.But am I REALLY that old??”
Should I roll the dice and try this or just bail? Because I heard there’s a really bitchin’ frat party that same night.